Bacon: Food For A Better Tomorrow

There are few items in the world that can match the deliciousness of bacon. Indeed, since I was a child I was under the spell of this pork product, and since then I have been a proud member of the bacon brotherhood. What is it about this delicious treat that is so appealing? Surely, something this good must come at a price?

The answer is still a mystery, and all that can be said is that, where there is bacon, there is love. Bacon, (or as many call it, ‘grilled wonder strips’) has the unique ability to permeate and bring out the best in any meal. What would a BLT be without the bacon? It would be nothing more than a shallow, sad excuse for a sandwich.

This veritable ambrosia is a triple threat! It smells good, it tastes good, and it sounds good. (If you haven’t  heard the siren songs of bacon, then you, sir, are missing out on life!) But alas, it was only a matter of time before this bacon wanderlust went horribly wrong. By that, I mean baconnaisse:

We should have never played God!

This can only be seen as culinary social work.

Why else would such a delicious treat be slumming it with what can be considered the lamest condiment ever? It was only a matter of time. Some foolhardy scientist in a lab tried in vain to harness the power of bacon only to have it explode into a horrible hodgepodge of grossness.

You see, bacon is like the really hot popular girl at school. Mayonnaise is like bacon's very annoying and less attractive friend. Put them together and the experience is tarnished and the likelihood of getting any in your mouth has severely lessened. So please, leave the mayo at home because me and bacon want some alone time.

While some creations are evil Frankenstein monsters, others are beautiful bundles of joy. I can think of no better example than the ‘bacon alarm clock’, or as the inventors call it ‘the wake n bacon’.

Runs on love

The perfect way to start the day.

This technological marvel allows you to wake up to the sweet smells of freshly cooked bacon right by your bed. What a glorious alternative to the ‘BEEP BEEP BEEP’ of your normal alarm clock. The only way they could have made this invention better is if they were able to make it travel sized. Bacon on the go? That should already be an app on the iPhone.

To surmise, bacon is the king of foods, ruling over the lands of breakfast, lunch and dinner with an iron fist and a gentle touch. If you have never tried bacon, drop everything you are doing and, for the love of God, eat a few strips. NOW. If you are a vegetarian, I weep for your mortal soul.

Now go forth and consume!




UPDATE: Perusing the interwebs can yield glorious results.
BEHOLD BACON TOOTHPASTE

Bacon now strengthens enamel!

Of course, you won't need this if you have the Wake n Bacon, as your breath will already be deliciously coated with ham and salt.